I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
