I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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