at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
