well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
