shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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