Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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