Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
