Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
