Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
