i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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