:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
