If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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