be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
two words: eviction party
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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