shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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