the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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