I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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