i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
