Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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