she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
