There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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