2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
