I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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