I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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