Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
