I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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