don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
