remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
a search helicopter?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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