did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
