So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
