I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
