apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
