piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
