I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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