Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize