I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
