Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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