Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
