I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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