I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
