Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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