Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just cropdusted the office
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
