For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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