So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
