They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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