We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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