This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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