Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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