When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
