i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
