In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
