I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
