I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
