just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
