I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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