you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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