I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him