even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
