xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
