i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
