tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
