I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
