Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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