You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
