quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
