PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
