no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
