from now on my penis is your penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
