dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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