when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
