She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
