I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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