Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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