May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I see more hoeing in ur future
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