I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
