Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
