remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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