Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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