put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
