My liver just broke up with me...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every concussion has its silver lining
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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